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Help For Women

Domestic violence will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime (LWA)

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviour in any relationship used to gain or keep power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is when someone is hurt physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, or psychologically, or when they are threatened to be hurt in these ways.

Domestic violence affects people of all races, ages, genders, and income levels. Many people, especially women, worry about their security and don’t know what to do.

Sexual Violence

In addition to all the ways that sexual violence can happen as a form of domestic abuse, that is, when done by a current or former partner or another family member, it can also occur outside of any current or previous relationship.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you might recognise this pattern:

  • Your abuser says they will hurt you.
  • Your abuser hurts you.
  • Your abuser says sorry, promises to change and gives you gifts.
  • The cycle repeats.

The more time you spend in an abusive relationship, the more damage it does to your body and mind. You might feel sad and worried or start to doubt that you can take care of yourself. You might feel powerless or like you can’t move. You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault. Unfortunately, this is a familiar feeling among people who have been abused at home, making it harder to get help.

It is not your fault; you never asked for it.

You might not be ready to get help because you think you’re at least partly to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Some reasons could be:

  • Therapists and doctors who have seen you alone or with your partner haven’t found anything wrong.
  • Your partner only mistreats you when you’re together. Abusers care a lot about how they look, so to people outside of your relationship, they may seem charming and stable. This might make you think that the person’s actions can only be explained by something you did.
  • Your partner thinks it’s your fault that things get violent between you. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for what they do.
  • You had acted out against your abuser verbally or physically by yelling, pushing, or hitting your partner when you were upset. You might worry that you are abusive, but it’s much more likely that you did what you did out of self-defence or because you were in a lot of emotional pain. Your abuser may try to control you by telling you that these things show that you are the abusive one.

If you can’t figure out what’s happening, step back and look at the bigger picture of your relationship. Then go over the signs of violence in the home. In an abusive relationship, the person who does these things is often the abuser.

Making a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Think about the following safety measures:

  • Call us for help. Make the call when the abuser is not around or from a safe place, like a friend’s house.
  • Pack an emergency bag with extra clothes and keys you’ll need when you leave. Put the bag somewhere safe. Keep important papers, money, and prescription drugs close by so you can grab them quickly if you need to go somewhere.
  • Know where you’re going and how you’re going to get there.

If you feel you are a victim of domestic abuse, contact us. We band closely with the police, attorneys, and other support organisations, like Refuge and Women’s Aid to help victims seek prompt protection.